Listening 101
Conflict does not equal contest. This often gets forgotten. You can forget that you’re trying to build a life with your partner and you end up considering them as an opponent instead.
Listening 102
People can become so consumed in their effort to be heard that it robs them from their ability to listen. Ears are sound detectors only. It takes brain power to decipher the message.
Listening 103
Our perception is not always accurate. Furthermore, our partner ‘mirrors’ us. I.E. if we dig in and refuse to listen then they’ll do that as well.
Listening 104
A warning light may be difficult to notice. Nevertheless, resentment can build to such a level that it can cause irreparable damage!
Listening 105
Men and women think so differently that it’s as though they speak a different language. Yelling doesn’t fix the language barrier problem. It only introduces another one.
Listening 106
Winning the argument can become a reflex act that takes top priority. Be careful of this. After years of this, the accumulating resentment can boil over and bite you in the ass!
Learned Helplessness
Without realising it, you can be very skilful at encouraging people to give up. This is probably the opposite of what you’re trying to do.
Learned Helplessness Example 1
Striving for a goal that is continually moving away is disheartening. This is very obvious. However, we making our partner do that without even realising it.
A Lesson in Empathy
Couples usually have different beliefs about what love is. As the frustration builds, they can conclude that their partner’s belief is superficial and only theirs is the true one.
Proxy Fighting
The main problem of a conflict can boil to the surface and become arguments that have no bearing to the original problem.
The Groundwork
When repairing the relationship, where is the point where you start at? The answer to this isn’t easy. This new disagreement magnifies the original conflict.